Dear Blog,
So Diane was here Tuesday last week and we were having a discussion on aging. She's a year older then me and though she has been putting up a great fight with age in this (getting old) battle she has been sliding into the fray pretty fast. She got a new haircut and dye job since I'd seen her last. I think it gave her about 10 years of grace. Some women believe that if they cling on to their long hair they will appear youthful, which usually makes them look like what they are, which is an older woman trying to hold on to youth. Some women look older when they finally cave into a short hair style but I think most of them look younger, perkier and more alive. Hair gets old looking too. It dulls, grays and always seems full of split ends. Most of us have thinning hair also, which can make it look stringy and dull and demands a new style. She was way over due for a short hair cut. She looks so much perkier, which makes her look younger. I TOLD HER THINK NEW CLOTHES, SHOES AND MAKEUP and some accessories too. Very good advice for me too and the rest of us aging dolls. A new look will almost always perk any of us up. Eventually we must adjust to what we look like now and do the best with what we have now.
I said, "I don't know why my aging bothers me so." "I have always been drawn to people who are old and lined and those who are not very good looking." And yet, when it starts being me with the lines getting deeper and the jowls drooping and hanging arm skin I feel disgust and sadness. I finally figured out that the thing that really bothers me is that with the lines deepening from each side of my mouth down to my chin I am left looking like I am angry. Like I have a permanent frown. The extra wrinkles around my eyes don't make them look happy either. They look old and sad. My lips which have always been thick and left people saying I looked like I had pouty sexy lips have shrunk and I even wonder where my upper lip is. I don't look a thing like the me I remember. I've had the same look from the time I was like 3-years-old until I was 55-or-56. After that (me) has turned into some old woman that looks like my Mom did when she was older.
It's not that I am ugly...I'm just not the me I remember. This seems to bother no one but me. Not even Kevin. My kids, grand kids and friends all seem to recognize this new/old woman as me.
Diane doesn't like the old her either. She's looking for special exercises and creams and maybe even some surgery and of course she wants to lose weight too.
As for me...I am looking for a way to become the woman I now see in the mirror and be okay with her. Why did I ever think life would be fun and easy? It's been a roller-coaster ride with many dips and a few highs with lots of lows peppered in.
Time for me to give it up...to give in. End this battle before I waste anymore of my life away. I am who I am and it ain't all that bad. The grandsons (Jordan and Henry) are always telling me that I am beautiful. They are even happy to act as my fashion and makeup and dress-up crew. My consultants on what a grandma should look like. What a pair.
Bye Blog, JjB...
-30-
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6 comments:
Sweet Jolie - how my mother used to rant about getting older - the wrinkles, the bifocals - I would tell her that it sure beat the alternative! She colored her hair and always wore makeup - she'd been a model in NYC ("Vogue") before she married my dad - always had the latest fashions, tried every wrinkle cream, short hair which she curled every night in pink foam rollers.
I remember the day I looked down and realized I had "my mother's hands" - wrinkly, veins near the surface. I bought a brighter shade of lipstick a couple of weeks ago and found there was less surface to cover. I'm not very skilled at coloring outside the lines so I'll have to do the best I can with what I've got - thin lips are better than none!
Can we agree to stop calling them "wrinkles" - "laugh lines" sounds a bit better, don't you think? And we'll laugh and smile more to hide them! People will be so dazzled by our smiles that they won't even notice anything else! Besides I am afraid of botox and plastic surgery - have you seen some of the work done on Hollywood's stars? Positively scary!
Funny, I don't remember my grandmother's lines, I remember the smiles, hugs and feeling of unconditional love. She passed away at 91 so she must have earned a few lines, I just don't remember them I do remember being surprised to find out she'd worn a wig for years; even in the nursing home she insisted on that wig and had it on when she died! I thought she was the most kind and loving woman on the planet - she was, indeed, beautiful.
I want to get out to NY to spend time with my grandchildren. I haven't seen them in 13 months - kids and germs don't mix with grandmas and chemo. Now I'm the voice on the phone and the one who sends toys.
Physical therapy is going well - I'm up to 4-pound weights, 5 minutes on a recumbent bicycle. Progress, I'll take it! Next week they're going to let me try a stair stepper.
Today is the official end of our monsoon season, but we may get rain tonight and, possibly, over the weekend. Still today is headed for 103. My roses look ratty after the long summer, but I found a few baby buds forming and new branches starting - it's going to be a glorious fall, but I miss the colorful trees. Ours either stay green or suddenly turn brown.
Be well and safe - take good care of yourself!
- Daisy in AZ
Sweet Jolie - Today I managed 6 minutes on the bike and started to re-learn how to climb stairs. I arrived tired but left rather pleased with myself and exhilarated.
Of course, life does not go smoothly and I had to visit another specialist this afternoon - more procedures to come, another CT scan. Probably just an infection or kidney stones, could be a side effect of radiation - must check every possibility. At least we can rule out prostate cancer!
Another 100 degrees again but Thursday might, just might, have a high of 76! I hope you are well and enjoying your Monday! Take care, dear girl!
- Daisy in AZ
Sweet Jolie - how are you? It's been a while since you've blogged - I hope that means you are just busy, busy, busy. You are missed and I'm sending good thoughts your way! Be well, stay warm, my friend!
- Daisy in AZ
Dear Daisy,
HI...I've just been real busy with change of season clean-up, plus I've been trying to shake off this (two week) "Minnesota Crud". I call it "Minnesota Crud" since every Autumn when the temps drop and the furnaces get turned on...three-quarters of the people in Minnesota get sick with it.
I'm feelng much better now. Funny how a little thing that the Doc's say just need to run the course can wear one out so throughly.
I will try to post tomorrow when I have the house back to myself. Well...the cat will be here too.
Be well.
Jolie
Sweet Jolie - take your time at recovering! I used to get something similar in Maine - it turned into pneumonia one year (which you know is not much fun) so get your rest and take care of yourself, I'll wait - just that I was getting concerned. Thanks for setting my mind at ease. Greetings to your kitty!
Heal!
- Daisy in AZ
Sweet Jolie - I hope your Minnesota crud is history! And I have some good news to share - last week I had a CT scan and yesterday I had a follow-up examination - everything, according to the doctor, was "unremarkable" - which was very good news, although I like to think we're all "exceptional."
Although I'd seen Christmas displays at CostCo and bought Hallmark ornaments for the kids last weekend, it hit me yesterday that Christmas was on the list-of-things-to-do, not on my "bucket list!" Seeing Christmas stuff at Walgreen's brought tears to my eyes - silly, I know, but it felt as if a great weight had finally lifted! Unremarkable, indeed!
Yesterday I saw 104 on the outdoor thermometer (in the shade of an orange tree). The Weather Channel is forecasting more 100's but Monday will cool off to 99. I hope it will be cool for Halloween so the candy doesn't melt here.
Today is "I Love Yarn Day" - Happy yarning!
Take care, my dear - be well and happy!
- Daisy in AZ
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