"Where's the beef?"...

Dear Blog,

There had to be twelve or thirteen or hell maybe even more cows slowly traipsing across the bridge. Well the bridge was more of a long, long viaduct that crossed over smaller roads that led in and out of town. The bridge was part of a very fast moving highway. Speeds of 70 or 75 miles per hour are the norm. The highway bypasses the small town…my small town. Seems like the cows wanted to bypass the town too.

So...I say to myself, “What in the hell are cows doing on a highway?” Me thinking that they and their owner must have a death wish. I can imagine what it would do to a car driving 75mph if it collided into a herd of cows? Slow moving cows on a high speed highway...I mean Gawd, what planet am I living on? Did I somehow move back to Montana (where cattle have free range) and forget that I was in the old west again?

Naturally the cattle spooked. It was probably just one chicken-shit cow getting the rest of them going…nonetheless the whole dammed bunch were soon in a slow-motion all-out fast gallop. If you’ve ever watched a fat cow gallop you will know what I mean. The gaucho sent the two cow dogs to herd and slow the goofy girl cows down. Likely, me thinks, he is afraid one of the obese cows might keel over dead from the exertion.

Wahoo…a beef bar-b-q. My mind moves fast to food. I imagine that if I were a vegan I'd be thinking...ooh tofu...when I saw a field of soy beans. The soy beans at least won't be walking on a highway. And then again maybe I would be a fruit fairy if I chanced upon an apple tree. I could become applesauce or maybe apple butter...so sweet...but no beef bar-b-q if that would be the case.

Soon the dogs have the cows herded down the exit ramp off of the highway and onto the main road that leads into the town. MY town. And the next thing I see is Henry in the middle of “Walmart” standing naked in front of the shoe aisle. His boy parts are dangling ever which way because he is running around trying to get to every pair of shoes he sees that he likes. I am mortified.

“Henry! I shout, get your clothes back on right this minute.” “But Grandma says he, I’m trying new shoes on for school.” Where, did this boy get the idea that one needs to be naked to try on shoes? Quickly I get him back into his clothes and soon we are out the door with two pair of shoes that fit surprisingly well even with his clothes still being on his body.

He now has one pair of new shoes for playing in the gym and one pair for wearing to school. It’s very expensive to dress a boy these days. Still the uniforms are bought and paid for and he looks very good in them. As for Libby...she is ever so grateful for her renter's rebate check.

I soon wake up and realize that I was having a fitful dream. So…does this mean the cows were not on the highway? There will be no beef bar-b-q? The boy maybe wasn’t naked in the shoe aisle? Libby and he were not driving me insane?

What would Carl Jung say? Hummm…maybe I need to go buy myself a steak for dinner. Maybe my body needs the protein from some old-fashioned red meat lest I start clucking soon. I may also need to discuss modesty issues with Henry who does drop his clothes off with nary a thought to where he is or who is around when he does it. Maybe I should sit in the car and send just him and Libby in to the stores. Maybe I am too old to be mortified. And it is hard always being the one who has to sleep in the chair.

Some times I wake being more tired then when I went to sleep.

Today I will paint. The easel is set up in my new back deck. I feel a need to be creative. Still, I think I will go to the store and buy me a beef steak first. If anyone needs energy it is certainly me. (S)

Are the tight squeezes and hugs from sticky fingered little boys who give out sloppy wet kisses enough to make up for the sapping of my energy?

I say to myself what will be will be and I know that love and loyalty is often a fleeting thing...thus, I will take an extra nap and I will dream silly dreams while I cherish each moment that Grandma comes first.

Henry is 5 years-old and my Jordan is 9-years-old. Jordan needs his friends way more than he needs a Grandma. Henry still needs his Grammy to hold his hand while he thinks about running naked through a store. Jordan didn't even need to hear "Happy Birthday" from me yesterday when he turned (9). He spent his Birthday with his icky friends. So it won't be long until Henry follows his brother into that next stage of childhood. I must find a way to be okay with being a by-stander watching their lives from the side lines.

Life will move on...with or without me. I'd like to be in for the ride even if I do need to move to the backseat. I do think I need that beef steak today. I am a tired Gram who is trying hard not to feel tooooooooo sorry for myself.

Bye Blog, JjB…

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