"Nature...such a beautiful thing"...unhuh!

Dear Blog,

Picture this...I'm sitting at my desk and I look out the window that is right before me and faces our side yard. I love that I have a window right in front of me. I get lots of natural light and I watch the weather change, the leaves fluttering around in the wind and the squirrels running in their special play from tree to tree. (Of course since neighbor Rick has stolen most of the squirrels away what with the 100 pounds of feed he puts out every month...I don't see many at play anymore. Rick and Georgia do.) I can also get a peek at some of the neighbors what with their comings and goings. It's all rather boring most days...but it is mine. Today I look out and there on my window screen a teeny, tiny green frog is clinging on for dear life.

Oh yuck!! And it moves and it climbs and it brings my mind to all sorts of exotic weird places. Nature.

Who knew...that the rain forest could be found outside of my side window? The frogs of our world (maybe it's a tadpole) is one of God's critters that are often described as being so gawd-awful ugly that they actually become kinda cute. My grand-monsters grandsons would love to get their hands on any frog that they could nab. Not me though. I wouldn't care if the frog would turn into a prince...I still would not want to touch the slimy looking thing. It is a very pretty green but it's bulging eyes makes it a likely candidate for being tagged "alien". Very soon my mind is traveling to Mars. A green visitor from a red planet coming to spy into my window to gain important information to bring back to cure it's species of Lyme disease. At this Kevin would tell me that I have too much time on my hands and too much nonsense in my brain. He would think the frog would be good fishing bait. I wonder what the family back in Mars would think?

Will I forever need to explain...to this man who rarely stands still...that I am a writer? Do I need to explain that my mind and fingers are rarely sitting still? My mind thinks and my fingers must then type. Let me tell you that it is so true that opposites attract. Sometimes that works in one's favor and other times it can be a real challenge. Mostly it is a whole lot of compromising. We (the old boy and I) do get along much better when he is working out of town. The "happily ever after" thing would not last for long if he were here all of the time. I am rather fearful of the day when he retires. One of us may have to move. We can set up weekend visitations and maybe dinner one night each week. The ideal marriage. The ideal union. If one were to ask me.

Anyhow, he will be home tonight and I plan to make a nice chicken dinner with smashed potatoes and a salt-less gravy. No lettuce salad.

And here is why:

The other day I made myself a large leafy green salad from my very own salad garden. We planted several varieties of lettuce this year and I have been marveling at having a fresh picked salad a couple of times each week from my own yard. I always add some of the tiny red cherry tomatoes that grow in huge patio pots right outside my front door and I chop some thin slices of red onion. I also chop a few chives and basil from my herb garden right in the mix and walla I have a delicious home-grown salad. We are both so proud of every thing we grow. Our larger tomatoes (Beef-steak, Pretty girl and such) are coming to fruit out back in our larger garden.

So...Kevin picks me a colander full of variety lettuce last Sunday before he left. He brings the lettuce and other fixings in for me to eat while he is gone. He washes the lettuce and tells me it's all set for me. That man is nothing if not dutiful. The next day I (again) wash the lettuce and the tomatoes and give the rest of the fixings a good rinse. I peel a small cucumber that Richelle had given me that she bought from the "Farmer's Market" by her house. I drizzle a little Italian dressing over the salad and set about buttering a nice Italian bun. I fill my glass to the brim with ice and add tea to it. I'm happy as a lark and feeling ever so good about eating a healthy light supper. I take my first bite marveling at the different tastes that each kind of lettuce brings to the salad. I go with the fork ready to spear out a second mouthful and I see a small green worm (I think they call them inch worms) crawling up the edge of my next lettuce morsel. NATURE.

OMGosh...I near scream. I near puke. I quickly take my delicious homegrown salad with it's homegrown worm and dump it in the trash. After which I couldn't even bring myself to eat my Italian bun. I later went to bed hungry and about half sick just with the wondering if I had eaten a worm in the first bite. I may never eat lettuce again. I may never plant lettuce again. The hell with this farmer eat healthy thing...know what is in our food. Yeah, well I know what was in my salad now don't I? I know tiny frogs and green worms and all manner of other slimy critters are invading our yard and my garden and even my dammed dinner plate. My stomach and my mind cannot take it. Thus, with our meal tonight there will be a cherry tomato, peeled and sliced cucumber with red onion salad served on the side of some sauteed zucchini and green beans. I'll be on the look out for any alien things.

Let the critters stay outside to nibble on the dreaded lettuce. There's lots of varieties for them to enjoy and it certainly is not coming into this house again.

And it's not as if Kevin and I hadn't both washed the stuff. Where could that dammed worm have been hiding? That's what I want to know. So beware my family and friends of what you eat. And I don't want to hear any B.S. about added protein and such. Heck I hardly ever watch those two guys on the Travel Channel Network (Anthony Bourdain or Andrew Zimmern) who travel all around the world eating weird things for their TV programs. You know...like frogs and worms and bugs and organ meats and such. (S)

Bye Blog, JjB...
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